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It’s hard to get in the Christmas spirit when all you can think about is how much you want to die. Like I’m seriously one more minor inconvenience away from death. That’s the point I’m at.

Dec. 9th, 2017

I come to Atlantic City and I lose 400 meanwhile Kelley and Danielle in total won almost 3000. I just want to die.

I just want to die for real. My life isn’t even worth living anymore. I reached my peak and my life is just going downhill from here on. I just wish I could go back and fix all of my mistakes.

Dec. 1st, 2017

My life would literally be perfect if I just had a partner. I would be so happy, I would have a second income so I would be able to move out, and I would be able to start the next part of life and finally have someone to take care of me and have someone I can rely on. I just hate everyone.

I keep forgetting I’m in grad school and I have like three enormous projects to do in the next 4 weeks so that’s great

Nov. 28th, 2017

I just want another kitten. One that has the same stupid personality as my fat boi

Nov. 26th, 2017

I want to die. I do not want to go back to work tomorrow. At. All.

After Christmas is over I’m saving every penny possible. It’s been 4 months and I haven’t saved a single penny from my work paychecks.

Nov. 26th, 2017

My new tv is so fucking cool. And so clear and hd. So worth it.

I am not capable of love. I’m not. My fucked up life has made me incapable of love. My parents divorce and then fake reconciliation fucked me up, my dad fucked me up, being secretly gay for so long fucked me up, and just coming from an abusive non loving home in general has fucked me up. I will never find love. I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. And I’m beginning to accept my fate. I don’t even want to be with someone anymore. I literally just want to be able to move out on my own. That’s it.