Well I had a 4 day weekend because I was so sick and I finally went to the dr today. First, when he deepthroated me with the strep test, he was impressed I didn't gag and I legit started laughing thinking "it's all that practice suckin diccccckkkkk" 😂😂 but that came back negative and he thinks it's a problem wth my tonsils and that I might need to get them removed. I would miss almost two weeks of work, which I can't do so that's great. And I e never been under anesthesia so I would be terrified.
I'm so sick. My throat is so swollen and my tonsils are so infected. I feel like I might have strep. And that thing hanging from my uvula is so big im legit choking on it. I need to go to a throat doctor asap.
Why am I so bipolar. I've had the best two weeks of work ever. Both dr Seuss days were so successful. I've gotten so much praise from everyone- teachers, administration, parents, students. I've literally felt like a rockstar. And then I come home and I'm just sad and feel like a piece of shit. I just want someone at home to love me and be proud of me. I don't want to be lonely anymore. I wish I had a different family. I wish I had a different brain. I wish I wasn't alone.
I wish I could sleep like a regular person. I think if I was able to fall asleep and stay asleep and get a full 8 hours every night I would feel so much better. I'm so exhausted every second of my life.
I don't get how I can go from so happy on Friday from dr Seuss Day to do sad this weekend. I just want death.
First Dr Seuss day tomorrow. I'm so stressed and excited at the same time.
I'm ready to be at the point of my life where I'm financially stable and I can do fun things without feeling guilty. I have been trapped in this depression for literally going on 2 years. It all started when I graduated college and I've never bounced back 100%. Nothing gives me joy anymore. Nothing makes me happy. I'm at the point where I'm ready to go get professional help because I can't function anymore. All of the things I thought would make me happy didn't so now I'm trapped here wondering what's causing it.
I've been home from Sadie's house for not even 5 minutes and I was already fighting with my parents. Being alone at her house for two days was the best thing ever. I can't wait to live alone.
I want to do something fun as a job over the summer. I don't want to be stressed. Idk what to do.
I also just wish I was finishing my masters so I could be getting 7k more a year and just be happy.